Mental Time Travel

Written March 10, 2022

Day 14

I woke up pain free this morning

With the clarity that provides, I wanted to share a trick I learned from Mood Lifters for the tough times

When I’m in a bad spot, when all I can do is breath, I find myself imagining standing at our wedding listening to Karla sing

My Doctor’s have commented it’s like I’m “in a trance”

It’s called “Mental Time Travel” & it can be a very useful form of distraction to not only remind yourself of better times but really try to place yourself in that moment

Music has been a beautiful beautiful part of my healing between the special playlist I’ve been working on, listening to Taylor Swift every day at radiation, and then last night at the Voctave concert Karla took me to

They sang Disney (my favorite) and Somewhere Over the Rainbow (which I’ve recently learned has a beautiful story of hardship behind it I’ll save for another day), Tomorrow (my favorite song to sing as a kid), and then in an encore they sang “Smile”

When I tell you, in that moment, my pain was at its peak of the day, and tears were streaming down my face, but it was all so beautiful at the same time

So, here’s to music

& sunflower photography for capturing my moment

“Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrows

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although our tears may be ever so near

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what’s the use of crying

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile”

Edit March 15, 2024

I want to be ever so clear that experiencing your emotions is extraordinarily important in your ability to process them. Smiling through sadness is not always the solution. In this case, in the situation I’m describing above, there was nothing more to do. I reported my pain to my care team, received medicine, and was treating it. At that point, I decided it was best to move on with my day. To go to the concert and try to enjoy it as best I could, maybe even smile. I didn’t want to become a shut-in during cancer, though most days I was, I wanted to do my best to add joy, so that’s what I was doing. Adding joy. Not trying to eliminate my sadness. Sadness due to pain is what led me to the doctor that day – it communicated something very important to me – but it didn’t control my whole day. I am in charge of that.