Written March 25, 2022
A good nights sleep on my new meds & I feel almost brand new 
Had the most emotional morning with my radiation therapist who I won’t see again – she and I are kindred spirits – left me with the kindest words & so many hugs – it’s just amazing the beautiful relationships you can form in the darkest of times 
Here’s to day 25 & 1 week until I get to ring the bell 
New Thoughts March 25, 2024
I was just thinking I should explain that the photos above do not go together – the passage suggests I’m at “rock bottom” but there I am smiling with my family. And yet…they can both be true. I’m realizing this has been a theme of the blog lately, and I’m glad because this idea has helped me hold onto positivity in the darkest of times. If we could only hold one truth at a time imagine the pain I would inevitably inflict on myself. Here, in these final days of treatment, I would have been drowned in the sorrow of my condition. The pain was ruthless. I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy anything. Or, imagine had I put on a brave face and radiated nothing but sunshine because I didn’t want to upset my family. Then where would I be? Probably in complete denial of my reality, unwilling to process my negative emotions, which would inevitably make themselves known in other areas of my life, potentially unbeknownst to me, leading me to months of therapy to trace back where it all went wrong. I know I only shared my biggest smiles through my cancer treatment, and that’s because I did want to show everyone it is possible to find something good in most circumstances. And, I want to be so crystal clear, that I was in pain. I was struggling with reasons to keep going at times, and I read that book over and over and over because I was in desperate need of a little hope. So, my small hope is that you will come away from these stories with a little more optimism, and, at the same time, a little more acceptance of all of your feelings ❤
a small hope 
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